FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN
The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He
is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates
are
closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see
you.
We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the
place is
filling up fast, and we have been ministering an entrance
examination
for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you
can get
into Heaven."
Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.
But
nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the
test
ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."
St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only
three questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next
day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now that you
have had a
chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."
Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the
week begins with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one is easy. That
would be
Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that
is
not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did
not
specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the
next one?" asked St. Peter.
"How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder," replied
Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only
answer can be
twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in
Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve:
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd.... " "Hold it,"
interrupts
St. Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your
point,
though that was not quite what I had in mind.....but I will have to
give you
credit for that one, too.
Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me
God's first name"?
"Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy."
"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.
"Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my
first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with
the name Andy
as the first name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I
learnt it from the song .
"ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. . . "
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said:
"Run Forrest, run."
Give me a sense of humor, Lord.
Give me the ability to
understand a clean joke,
To get some humor out of life,
and to pass it on to other folk
From Elaine Slack,
The Shrine of St. Therese, Pueblo, Colorado |
